2.10.2011

this morning is in a real bad weather that i really hates.

the chill in the wind triggers my good o friend

nose allergy in no time.

it makes me feel very weary and exhausted.

yesterday was the one year obituary of my grandpa.

i was really amazed by the speed of the time flows.

it is pass a year.

 those images at that time was still very vivid in my mind.

i nearly collapsed at that time with my own mental to control every situation.

that days really shows no sign of him to leave us.

according to papa,

grandpa still chit chatting with him before he drove down to KL for monthly meeting.

and i am in desperation to finish my revision as the final exam is coming in no time.

i still remember that i did hold very terribly of not crying.

according to Buddhist mantras,

the families of the dead person should not cry,

crying is just making them harder to go to heaven.

 but my grandpa was in real fortunate,

because he pass away in peace,without suffering.

I still remember those ignorant relatives came not to help,

but giving me more chaos and problems.

my dad was still on the way driving back from KL,

while i am still not really understand what is actually going on at there.

no one asked me of what to do,

even i am the young master of the house,

i am the eldest in the family now,

any decisions that they made should be accepted by me and my father.

however,

i felt helpless as i was in a devastated state ,

my second sister cannot stop crying,

and the situation outside of master bedroom is totally out of my control.

When my mum and dad came back ,

they too collapsed n started to shed their tears.

we then decided to go the way of Buddhism for the funeral ceremony,

in that few days i was really pious to my god,

somehow i found some relieve from there and gained some peace.

but there are still loads of relatives that are doing non stop gossiping,

which makes me very sick towards them.

but everything had pass for one whole year.

perhaps it is the time for me to let go.

Let the bygones be bygones,

what we can do now is appreciate what we have and celebrate our own life.